b/w kaleidoscope side b

1. 
You will surely see it all,
Once your eyes close. 
The tender excite,
The youth and it's voice, 
Your questions, thoughts, 
Won't they all suside ? 

Religious, spiritual,
Ignored and tries to out run,
Like a song repeated,
A sitar in play, 
A dance of the peacock in rain,
The fire will eventually rise, 
Tears too less to calm it's wrath,
Attempts all in vain. 

First fascination,
A young me looked with amazement.
Fear, as ambitions root and people get closer to my soul. 
But acceptance in the end, 
as it is the only way ahead


2.
It is like going through a haze,
A run and chase to catch myself out of place. 
A view of the sun rise,
With a heart still holding on to the long lost night. 
An experience of waking up as someone else,
A better, more positive version of an older self. 
Like returning to the homes that became houses, 
After emptied by the people that filled them,
Returning to childhood homes, with the excitement and amazement remaining the same.
Celebrating getting closer to death makes sense,
Songs, walks and ignoring sleep all seem fair. 

It is such that other logic and realities stop making sense. 
It is such fascination, through retellings of that peak,
We lie and we fake to feel the same, 
But its all hollow,
Because when it arrives,
You feel all of what I said,
And you feel it with no warnings and calls ahead.


3. 
Such is the ache of this being,
That when one wants,
But is dwarfed by life,
That they, what he wishes,
Are out of reach,
He's tormented from his place,
Untill with time,
He reaches that haven,
Gulps what he wished for,
And then ? 
What follows should be eternal bliss,
But is instead,
The memory of the dwarfness,
Of the same place he once rejected, of the same life he once rejected, the person he rejected to be.


4.
On such long nights, when birds too sit quiet,
When drops of rain of the day prior,
Fall into plants nearby,
I lie in this small floor,
As the clouds pass by,
Insects and creatures,
Crawl by, 
Some finding food,
Others maybe gazing the night sky,
As I am? 
Some make sounds, reminding me of this vessel my soul occupies,
Others stay silent, mourning maybe those who couldn't arrive. 
In such loneliness, at such time,
I do see the point of existence,
And the beauty of my life. 

Don't consider me an outcast,
I do love those in my life,
They give me so much,
Take too less from my side. 
But on such nights, 
My appreciation for them deepens,
And so does for all this time.
All the time I waste on things 
Clearly useless, futile, of no value to my soul and this life. 
I believe some higher power exists,
Beyond conmen and rituals,
Who has gifted me such time,
Even after cynicism and arrogance from my side. 
Such time to sit and stray, to wonder and be afraid, to think and create. 

On such nights, I feel closer to every being, dead and gone, alive, right and wrong,
On such long nights,
On such starry nights



neil, forever' 

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