WHERE AM I, WHERE WILL I BE

1. WHERE AM I ? 

I see myself in a different light,

away from the green leaves,

away from the awake birds.

I see myself soaking in rain,

like the muddy water, 

Its depth made up. 

Like the leaves of fall,

Brittle, weak. 

Breaking away the illution,

Don't you see the cracks my reflection make. 

Breaking away this story, 

Don't you see the who's beyond the ocean. 

It isn't blue, it isn't blue,

It has drained, drained of everything that made it. 

It hasn't woken up,

It didn't sleep,

It just wept, slipt through the gaps,

Into what was, the castle undone,

The house burnt, 

A lie belived in. 

Where am i? 

Within.

Where am i? 

Within, 

Alone, 

With, 

Oneself.

2. STORY OF THE CONCIOUS 

Grow apart from me,

Like the streams, 

Be yourself. 

Grow apart, now that im awake,

Now that i see there's nothing,

Be yourself. 

Can i be myself? 

Can i write and be judged,

Write and be laughed at? 

Can i write, without rhymes,

Write without the stoires,

Will seeing the reality,

Ruin the artist ?

Will it ruin me ? 

For a minute, 

I lost myself, 

Till i learnt the way out,

Till i understood who i am. 

Sisiphyus, and this is what i am. 

Im concious, and i know, 

This is life, and it will be, 

Not a river, not changing,

This will change, but pity me,

For i will always be.

3. TIME

The city will move,

The cars won't stop,

The old tea stalls, and my school doors,

All will wear out, all will renew. 

My friends will grow old,

And my family will grow too,

Swallos will migrate,

The bears will wake up,

Weather will change,

The climate will too,

Some stars will die,

Some people too,

The world will revolve,

Same, all the same. 

I'll perish and what will remain?

You'll perish, how long will it take? 

Time will pass, thats the only thing that doesn't change.

4. ANATOMY OF A FALL

Are you okay now ? 

That time has passed. 

What about the dreams and plans you had ? 

What about the therapist you promised youd visit? 

And the walls you promised to paint ? 

What about hope and what about pursuing what you want. 

What about buying all the toys you wanted,

The hot weels and the action figure of superheroes in capes,

Without imperfections. 

What about movies every week, 

The date, the ring, the marriage and the children,

Where are they? 

What about never giving up,

And absurdism,

Camus, sobriety, change ? 

Writing every week, and driving very slow, cooking your own food, and keeping your room clean ? 

Where are you now ? Where will you be ? 

This path leads nowhere but where you've always been .

5. WHERE WILL I BE ? 

 The blur won't clear, 

This day will never end,

The future will always remain,

In its own way.

It won't speak, it won't tell,

Mistakes of today, only repent,

When they transform,

As regret someday. 

Joy of today,

Will only be precious,

When they become photos,

That have faded away. 

People will only be beautiful,

In the memories of those alive,

And will i be there,

Smiling like i used to? 

Will i be somewhere,

In the memories and visions you will see as you die ? 

-neil 

side note - originally a six poem project, I realised half way that the sixth poem doesn't fit the structure and theme I was moving ahead with, that doesn't mean it won't be published, if it will then it will be as a solo work like its first part.