MOURNING MY DEATH

1. The Death 

The slow night is over,

The new sun its brighter, 

And you woke up late, Its the usual. 

What if you get a phone call? 

And they tell you about me, 

You hear my name,

reminisce about what we've been, 

Would you cry a bit or break down to tears? 

do you fear death or living like its over ?

I wonder who would come to see me,

A flawed man, fueled by hunger,

Materialism and tangibility,

Like on a lost pathway, 

I know you missed me,

The way i was, the way you perceived me, 

Im scared my love, i wanna have a legacy,

People forget, but will you cry, remember me ? 

What if i was not whatever you say? 

What if im dead now, and everyone forgets ? 

Cause whats there to, truly remember then,

I was a flawed man, i hurt a bunch of them, 

I lost my battles and hid the scars when

People asked me how ive been,

What if i die now and you marry someone else ? 

What if i die now, would you have stories to tell? 

2. Sounds of broken hearts 

People fall in love, but we see who they really are in love,

I see people pretending to be somebody who they not,

Breaking people's heart, cause its not enough,

Running away from reality,

Cause its not their want. 

Stories i hear, like everyday,

I see the social media, relations these days, 

And people out there, feeling like they left out of it.

So they do what any else would do,

They find someone to fall in love,

And force shit to look cool. 

Have you heard some heart beat ? 

Have you held someone close, 

Do you regret what you did then,

Do you cry when youre trying to move on? 

Do you see the way their hearts broke,

How you gave them fake hope? 

Im sorry im guilty, 

I know the sound of heart breaks,

Im sorry i know i did,

More wrong than any goodness. 

And everytime i fall in love,

I realised who i have been, 

I look back at sins then, 

I broke a lot of souls and,

When i held her in my arms, as she sobbed for what i did, 

I prayed to god just then,

If i die, may she forget me. 

3. Brothers betray

Kings were killed by theirs sons,

Disputes over legacy, 

Brutus had blood in hand,

Of a brother that loved him. 

The after death, got me thinking of life,

On my way to hell can i take up some time,

The past had toll on me, 

i thought i was fine,

Till my actions starting bleeding, 

spoiling red on all i cared for. 

I promise i was blinded by hunger,

To prove something to strangers,

And its strange how now i see that, 

My futile tries went to vain and,

I lost the few friends i had, 

Now can i take some time and say then,

Caesar was wrong, when i look back, 

Too lost in himself, vanity is all he had held,

so if he's killed, who can call it a betrayal,

My brother switched up, i know i deserved some,

So when they stabbed me, i felt none,

I closed my eyes, knowing it was coming. 

Im alone, it was a battle, mumma did i fight well? 

4. Purgatory 

Get ready,Its my time,

I did never believe in after life,

But i stand, tickets in hand,

Is it hell it going now ? 

I don't know the flash too strong,

I can't see where I'm going now,

All i can guess by all i did, 

Is that hell is waiting for me. 

I think of you as i take this step,

Wonder how my funeral went,

As i stand in line, im worried now,

Is there some god, who'll judge my work. 

Forseeing whatever you did, 

I hear your thoughts, see all your deeds,

You were born pure, as all of you, 

Your soul was touched, a mother loved you,

Your heart is heavy, what do you carry now ? 

Why bear weights of legacy that is not your?

Son do you hear me ? Why is there fear? 

You hurt some souls and drowned a lot,

You realised your lies, all faults you did, 

But why did you think it was too late to be,

I have no words, i broke down, 

For all i thought was those sins were what i was made of.

I forgot myself, my mothers touch, 

My lover's kiss couldn't wake me up,

Im broken now. 

Is there a way i could change myself? Is there a way i could change again. 

And then it all dimmed, 

Was that my life,

I saw all of my moments,

I saw the way you smile. 

My family i missed, the void that never filled,

Their love was there, but i didn't feel them close,

I saw happy faces, wanted them near too. 

It shaped who i was, and who i became. 

The child in me seeked, the warmth i never felt. 

So as i break down, infront of the lord,

I chant in my heart, a prayer to mourn, 

I mourned a lot, of what i did,

I thought of all i hurt and killed,

But all this time, i ignored myself, 

All this time i didn't see myself,

So i cry, infront of the lord,

I stand in here, and mourn my soul,

Mourn myself, the child i was, 

The mistakes i made,

How i learnt to walk. 

5. Poet's worth 

Seven days ago, i had a memory of mine,

Resurrect from cracks and it came to my mind.

Seven years ago i was scribling my thoughts,

I wrote few things, expression was the cause,

Was scared to share it, i thought people they would judge,

Seven years later and im finalizing this work. 

A few weeks ago i got a call from someone,

They told me they cried to my work, that it touched them.

At the end of the day as i look back at my work,

I wonder, did i create some worth,

Or said things obvious, and lived in denial. 

Its a scary thing, expression in the age of constant mediocrity,

 Its a funny irony, like im standing in the court, and you all are judging me. 

Whats a poets worth? Is it a penny or two,

Because there's so many, im worried i'll be one too.

What is the worth of these words,

I can't comprehend,

I'll leave it for you to judge and dissect.

6. Heaven pathway 

I held the Gun to his head, It was rented,

I could see fear in his eyes, I waited, 

To feel what he mustve felt,

To see him fearing his death. 

And i shot, 2 3 bullets and he was dead,

Just like that, the cops came back,

I could hear the siren ring,

I didn't run, i stood there, 

and it was done, my deed was done. 

Heaven's pathway, tell me what should i do,

To reach paradise, and feel no pain? 

Behind the bars and i was seated in court,

Infront of me was the judge, i stood smiling,

No regrets on my face, 

he was somebody son, but i had to do it.

Heaven's pathway,

Tell me how do i get to where god is.

I see stories in the news, but i stayed dormant,

Thinking it was happening very far,

Sympathising,

Till the devil creeped around and it reached me,

I couldn't do nothing, all i felt was her body just lying. 

My daughter was dead, what was her mistake? 

Heaven's pathway, tell me did she get there?

Everyday, we hear stories,

The legal procedure, rounds making,

People are killed, and the numbers rising,

Not realising, it could happen to the people youre loving. 

Heaven's pathway, humanity has died,

He pulled the trigger, 

as a father he killed, because a daughter had died, 

she was pleading for life, 

but she was left to suffer, 

we're the problem, 

we see it happen and we just stay dormant, 

There no heaven to go to, this where we got to make it, heaven's pathway. 

7. You 

God has given me, 

Another life to live, for as i remember, 

I was drunk on myself. 

You remember our dumb days? 

When the days didn't have to have a purpose,

Now that we are growing up, 

Now that we are somewhere else,

Now that all little memories,

They're fading into a mess,

I still hold on, and i remember,

The sunny summer days. 

Is this a country song,

That im humming now,

What does your heart beat say ? 

I feel young, i feel gold,

The feeling i feel, they don't go.

What is a man, if not a mess,

What is a soul, if not a wreck? 

Strumming me home, these strings aflot, 

They remind me of, the sunny sun. 

Oh my soul, is a mess, 

but what's a man if not a wreck ?

8. Arrogant 

I.

Fueled by the wrong cause, 

A man with intentions can lose path, 

he can easily forget the root cause. 

Too late to realise, a lot damage dealt here,

I feel the pain, it started with the end, and in the end im stating - 

A new way, a message to extend hands,

I had a friend, influences took him, 

He got hooked to weak things and substances, 

Is this the end then ? 

I met a man, he was drugged till he passed out, 

greed in his mind, and he was last out,

But he was changed, a family backed him, 

they were there but he hadn't felt

 them.

So to my brothers who are lost now,

Everyone can be down, but up the only way out, 

not to sound cheesy but theres even phone calls now, 

every year people dead, cause darkness surrounds, 

Youre not alone, youre not done. 

9. Resurrection 

I'm alive, in myself, 

Every part of me, is so blessed. 

For a long time I was misled, 

till I found, reasons in myself. 

To who I am, you didn't deserve who I was,

But if it was, not for who I was, you wouldn't ever see, who I have become.

As I mourn myself, let me remember, 

Who I am today, is all to, who I was when I, 

Met you. 

- baibhaow