blue eyes and frogs

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl"
- Pink Floyd 


What am I ? Just a body endlessly floating around, pushed around by intricate carvings and slight details and maybe a bit of miscalculated mistakes on the sculpture of existence. But I am not alone. I am accompanied by hope. Hope, even though everything will come falling down every brick will eventually find it's place back. 

Her eyes were blue. It was rare, noone in my village had it. It was rare for anyone to have diffrent colors from the normal black and brown but hers were  blue. They looked like the oceans. And I loved them, as much as I loved her. Those blue eyes reminded me of the peaceful bright afternoons we spent together as children. Oblivious to the grand scheme of things, the world was nothing but a small pool of stupid laughter and jokes. And there was peace in it. It felt peaceful that way. Her blue eyes and my dumb smile. 

I never told her about how much I loved those blue eyes. I just did. I guess I would have said it, but she knew it maybe. The way she looked at me some times, I feel like she knew just how much I loved those eyes. We both knew things but never had the courage to accept it or face it. We embraced the silence and comfort it brought about. Even though it would fall off one day. Everything ends. Some end too soon, and some too late that it tears our existence apart. So what would you choose ? 

It's like we don't have a choice, existence is suffering. The only thing seperating beings is hope. 

"I like frogs" she told me. I was always scared of frogs. I saw them a lot around our village but still, I found them very scary. That day she for the first time talked about frogs, I always tried ignoring it. I always felt ashamed that I was scared of frogs. But how could I say that to her. 
"Oh frogs yes they are pretty cool. I even had one as a child" I told her, lying through my teeth even though I promised mother never to lie. What could I do mother ? Sometimes lies are the only way or so we say. She was so excited when I said that. She gave me a warm smile and excitedly asked me about it. I told her whatever I had heard from other children. 

That evening as we walked back to our homes she asked me something for the first time, "can you bring a frog for me ? I'd love to see one up close". Going near frogs would scare me a lot but how could I say no. So the dumb twelve year old me said yes.

So I went back home and sat down thinking how can I possibly get a frog for her. My first instinct told me to tell it to my friend. So I did, I went to Klaus the next morning, the most energetic of my friends. We went to the same school so we were pretty close. I told him what the issue was. He laughed at my face and said " Grow up !?? Go get the frog. They won't kill you, come let me take you to the pond" he said. And so he pulled me even though I didn't want to. With a jar we went where frogs were found near the pond. And so it was me. I saw a frog at first, it was not moving but just staying motionless looking at nothingness. I felt it would look at me as I moved closer and jump over me but still I kept my breath intact and I slowly moved towards it but as soon as I took my jar out it jumped off. "No worries ! Try again" shouted Klaus. I focused on the next one, I slowly moved towards it. One step after another. Deliberate slow steps with purposed movements. Like a great samurai in a duel I moved purposefully controlling my muscles but yet I failed, the samurai I was fighting against maybe was too skilled or had a secret knife hidden in his armour. But yet I failed, it didn't matter how or when, I just did. But I got up and focused on the other frog. I failed but I could try again. And so I went ahead again and failed again. And again, and again. I was scared of frogs, I tried to overcome it and maybe I did but still I failed. It was about an hour and I had failed. Klaus was nowhere either now. I felt betryaed but stil I had a promise to fulfill, the promise of frogs. I failed again.

I was very sad. I could feel the horizons of my eyes flood by the thoughts my brain had created. I thought about her and it made me more sad remembering the promise. I could feel a tear roll down my cheeks when I hear a shout. "you dumbo" she shouted, and I went all red trying to wipe my tears. Who wanted to cry infront of your crush. She pulled me towards her side and she looked at me, I was all red and teary when she broke out laughing. She laughed and I said half sobbing "I am sorry, I couldn't -" when she cut me off with a firm vocie "why are you crying? And why are you sorry??". I replied still sobbing " I had promised-" 
"Shh, it's okay. Sometimes it's about how much we tried. Atleast you tried" the sun was setting and the lake's water touched my bare feet as I looked at her warm smile and her blue eyes where deep within those eyes maybe I saw love. 

- Neil. 
Dumb one

Comments

  1. iseeghostsJuly 8, 2024 at 9:06 PM

    blue eyes hypnotise , really enjoyed reading 👏🏽👏🏽

    ReplyDelete

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