Histograms

 

People often lie. They pretend to like someone or hold certain opinions when indeed they actually have totally different feelings and opinions towards things and people. It’s like a wall they create behind which their true thoughts really lie, which can’t be shared as our society is not used to such amount of raw truth. But even these huge walls have cracks in them, small gaps and spaces. And only when we try to widen those a bit of what they really think pours out, and even a drop of reality can drown us.

What does this make us human then? More cruel or good ?

During the loud, hot and noisy days when sometimes the math class gets too boring forgotten memories come back to me. I remember hearing what a friend of mine truly felt about me during an argument. At that time this really had hurt me as this friend of mine was very close to me. But when I sat in class, much of the pain and feeling of betrayal had washed off and all that was left was that memory with no emotion attached to it. There is a sense of freedom when we can assess things without our minds being clouded by emotions. I hadn’t expected this friend of mine who I had always though was the only one who understood me to also be just the same. Sometimes I feel like my brain likes to play tricks with me. I tend to forget all the bad things. I stopped talking to a lot of people for the better. One thing I often times noticed is that after a time of abandoning someone or even some place when we look back at it we ponder why we took such a harsh decision. I don’t know about others but it has happened to me a lot, after some time looking back at things only the pleasant memories return and even the bad ones don’t carry such a weight, but to not fall for this trap of my mind I often read journal entries I made during that time while I was actually experiencing it all.  I like to talk about it like weather, when its cold we wish for the sun and when it sunny we pray for the shade.

That day in class, I was sitting beside this guy who I had never really talked to. He was one of the quietest boys of the class. That was the first time we really ever had a conversation. We were talking about our school when he randomly said ‘sometimes I wish it was just me, I could lay down on the felid and look up at the sky all alone with nothing else to bother me’. He said it casually but it gave me this weird feeling, I looked around the class to see around 52 boys talking, laughing and making noise. For the first time I looked around and this thought hit me, everyone in this class is a person with a certain dream, with certain responsibilities and hopes. I wonder where we might be 30 years down the line, how many of us would really achieve those dreams.

I wonder if that friend will ever remember me? And if they will, I wonder when. Will it also be a random math’s class on a sunny morning while the teacher talks about Histograms. 

And now whenever I see histograms, it reminds of this friend.

neil

 

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